Journey to the Inner Self: Discovering Who You Truly Are
Journey to the Inner Self: Discovering Who You Truly Are
Written By: Kelly Chan Jia Li, Clinical Psychologist (MAHPC(CP)00353)
Have you ever felt lost, even when everything in life seems fine? Or do you sometimes wonder who you truly are beneath the roles you play as a friend, employee, parent, or partner? You may be successful, surrounded by people who love you. Yet, there may be a lingering sense of emptiness or confusion about who you really are.
The journey to the inner self is about peeling back these layers and reconnecting with your most authentic self. It is about understanding your thoughts, emotions, and values more deeply. This journey is not a straight path and may not have a clear destination. It is a lifelong process of self-discovery, healing, and growth. Let's explore how you can embark on this inner journey.
Why Do We Lose Touch with Our Inner Self?
Life is full of external influences that shape our identity, sometimes in ways that pull us away from our authentic selves. Here is why many of us struggle to connect with our inner selves.
Societal Expectations
From a young age, we are told what to do, how to behave, and what success looks like. Over time, we adopt these expectations as our truth, even if they do not align with who we truly are.
Constant Distractions and a Fast-Paced Life
Modern life is filled with distractions such as social media, work, responsibilities, and endless to-do lists. We are so busy keeping up with external demands that we rarely pause to check in with ourselves. Over time, we start feeling lost, unsure of what truly makes us happy or what we even want in life.
Unhealed Emotional Wounds and Trauma
Past experiences and trauma, especially painful ones, can create deep emotional wounds that shape our self-identity. If we do not process these experiences, they can cause us to suppress parts of ourselves as a way to protect ourselves from further pain. We may even avoid situations that remind us of past pain, even if they could lead to growth.
Fear of Self-Discovery
Sometimes, we avoid looking inward because we fear what we might find, such as old wounds, insecurities, or uncomfortable truths. This can be overwhelming, so many of us may prefer to stay distracted rather than delve deeper into our inner world.
How to Begin Your Inner Journey?
Self-Reflection: Asking the Right Questions
One of the first steps in self-discovery is asking yourself meaningful questions. This insight can help you shift your mindset to cultivate activities that are meaningful for you. These are some of the powerful questions you can explore.
- What truly makes me happy (not what society says should make me happy)?
- When do I feel most at peace?
- What are my deepest fears, and how do they affect my decisions?
- Am I living according to my values, or am I just following expectations?
How to Do It?
You can journal and write freely about your thoughts, emotions, and desires. Try spending ten minutes in silence daily to reflect without distractions. Have honest conversations with yourself by asking and answering the questions without judgment.
Embracing Your Emotions, Even the Difficult Ones
Many of us suppress emotions like sadness, anger, or loneliness because they are uncomfortable. However, true self-discovery requires us to acknowledge and understand our emotions without judgment instead of running from them.
For example, Jane would always avoid confrontation because she feared conflict. However, through introspection, she realized that her avoidance could have stemmed from childhood experiences where she was taught that expressing anger was "bad." Once she acknowledged this, she learned to express herself without fear.
How to Do It?
When an emotion arises, pause and ask, "What is this feeling trying to tell me?" You can practice mindfulness by sitting with your emotions instead of pushing them away. You can also express your feelings through creative outlets like writing, painting, or music.
Letting Go of Past Baggage
Many of us carry emotional baggage from past experiences such as childhood traumas, failed relationships, or regrets. These unresolved feelings can shape our current behaviours and prevent us from growing. While it is natural to have memories that shape us, holding onto them too tightly can weigh us down, preventing us from fully embracing who we are and who we want to become.
For example, John avoided deep relationships because of a past heartbreak. He realized that his fear of getting hurt again was holding him back from experiencing love. With therapy and self-reflection, he worked through his past wounds and allowed himself to open up again.
How to Do It?
Letting go of past baggage starts with accepting that you cannot change the past but can control how it affects you. Pause and identify patterns in your behaviour. Are you avoiding something out of fear or past pain? Through self-reflection, you can learn to shift your focus from regrets to lessons learned. At the same time, you can surround yourself with positivity, create new experiences, and remind yourself that moving forward does not mean forgetting; it means healing.
Practicing Self-Compassion
Many of us are our own worst critics. For example, you may constantly feel like you are not "good enough" in your career despite receiving praise from your colleagues. We judge ourselves harshly, compare ourselves to others, and focus on our flaws. But the journey to the inner self requires kindness toward oneself.
How to Do It?
You can practice positive self-talk. Instead of saying, "I am a failure," let's try saying, "I am learning and growing." Treat yourself with patience and kindness, just like you would a friend. You can also learn to recognize that making mistakes is part of being human.
Living Authentically: Aligning Actions with Your True Self
A fulfilling life is not about material success but about living in alignment with what truly matters to you. This means making choices that align with your values, passions, and beliefs.
How to Do It?
You can identify your core values by asking yourself, "What truly matters to you in life?". Encourage yourself to make decisions based on your true desires, not external expectations. Try to engage in activities that bring meaning and fulfilment by pursuing passions or hobbies that make you feel alive. Let's learn to set boundaries and say no to things that do not align with your values.
Challenges in the Journey and How to Overcome Them
Fear of Change
Growth often requires stepping out of your comfort zone, and it can be scary at times. Let's start small by taking one step at a time and remind yourself that change is necessary for self-discovery of inner self. Learn to trust the process of self-discovery.
Resistance from Others
People around you may not always understand your journey, but that is okay. It is okay to stay true to yourself, even if it means disappointing others.
Self-Doubt
It is natural to feel unsure at times. And it is also normal to question yourself when facing uncertainties. Remind yourself that self-discovery is a lifelong process. Trust that the process will lead you to a deeper understanding of yourself.
Reminder: If you are feeling lost in your life journey, please don't hesitate to reach out to us at Soul Mechanics KD or Soul Mechanics Ipoh. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but strength!
A Lifelong Journey of Self-Discovery
The journey to the inner self is not about reaching a final destination. It is about continuously learning, growing, and embracing your true self. Self-discovery requires patience, courage, and self-love. You can live a more authentic and fulfilling life by reflecting on your values, embracing your emotions, letting go of past baggage, and practising self-compassion. So, let's take a deep breath, slow down, and start looking inward. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself.
If you enjoyed reading this, why not broaden the horizon of knowledge by learning about "Feeling Lost: How I Found A Way Back"? You can read the blog here.
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