Healing: 10 Signs of Emotional Growth
Healing: 10 Signs of Emotional Growth
Written By: Shaundtrya Ganasan, Licensed Counselor (KB11097)
Healing is a process of finding a way back home to yourself through the chaos and noise from within and the external world. Healing is a messy and non-linear journey. It wouldn’t always be a bed of roses, it has its fair share of thorns as obstacles while you’re travelling towards your healing destination. It pushes you off the limit and at the same time gives you hands to climb above. We often hear the word ‘healing’ from people around and the term ‘healing’ has been widely circulating in social media.
But, ever wondered what is healing?
Ever thought of whether you have been back to square one or a few steps backwards?
Ever given up on healing as you were not sure of whether you were healing or circulating in the same loop?
In this article, we will dive further into healing and several signs that show that you are healing.
Reminder: If you or your loved ones are struggling with mental health conditions, please don't hesitate to reach out to us at Soul Mechanics KD or Soul Mechanics Ipoh. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but strength!
Signs that you’re healing:
Breaking Patterns
Healing leads us to break free from old patterns that further weigh us down. You will start to identify how your past trauma or experience is still lingering around you through unhealthy patterns. Healing embarks when you start identifying and acknowledging these patterns and gradually work on breaking free from them.
"Having boundaries issues due to controlling parents to learning to say no occasionally."
"Fear of social events due to past bullying experience to gradually engaging in small parties with close ones."
"Suppressing emotions due to past experiences of being dismissed to gradually standing ground for yourself."
Acknowledging Feelings
You’re healing when you start acknowledging your raw, unfiltered emotions, instead of covering or suppressing them. We often cover our real emotions with anger or self-labelling (e.g., weak, failure, foolish, etc.) in the fear of vulnerability. When you start to heal, you start embracing your emotions as a part of you instead of pushing them away.
“I am not weak. I actually feel lonely and helpless.”
“I was angry because I was disappointed of being constantly let down.”
“I am not always strong as I appear to be, I am sad and breaking apart.”
Facing Pain
You tend to gradually face your pain and haunting past when you’re healing instead of avoiding or suppressing it with unhealthy coping styles (e.g., food, work, self-harming, addiction, sex, etc.). When you’re healing you will slowly dive into your pain to work on it, instead of abandoning it. It would be uncomfortable but through effort and patience, it would start stinging less.
"Facing conflict with a partner by having uncomfortable conversations instead of silent treatments."
"Letting out suppressed emotions through healthy ways (creative expressions, crying, workout, talking to someone) instead of projecting them through anger."
"Attending therapy to work on childhood trauma instead of numbing it with work."
Change in Perspective
When you’re healing, instead of viewing the world as black and white, you will start to view it with colours and how it is. Your perception of yourself, your people, your job, and your environment gradually changes. You will attain more clarity and think more rationally about the world inside and outside of you.
“Her anger towards me is a reflection of her pain.”, instead of “She is angry on me, I must have done something.”.
“I am feeling quite distress around people. Maybe because I haven’t recharge myself yet.”, instead of “Why are people always noisy? Can’t they keep quiet for sometime?”.
“I think this is a past trigger and I should explore more on it.”, instead of “Why am I always getting moody when someone shouts. I am over dramatic.”.
Self-Embracing
You’re healing when the way you view and communicate with yourself becomes healthier. We are often our worst critics, frequently demotivate ourselves and engage in negative self-talk. When you’re healing, you will start to embrace your flaws and shortcomings with love and care, to strive towards betterment instead of pushing yourself further down.
“It is okay to take break. I feel mentally exhausted.”, instead of “Why am I so lazy and keep on finding excuses to take breaks?”.
“It is okay that I couldn’t get the expected results. I tried my best and will do better in future.”, instead of “Why am I such a failure. I can’t even do one thing properly.”.
“I feel overwhelmed with my emotions and I am glad that I managed to express it”, instead of “Why am I this sensitive? Why did I blurt more than needed?”.
Grieving
When you’re healing, you tend to grieve for yourself and the pain you went through. We often grieve for the pain people have inflicted upon us because our loved ones failed to understand us. We also tend to blame ourselves or invalidate our emotions while grieving. But, when you start healing, you tend to start acknowledging your pain without much self-criticism, embrace your emotions, and grieve for yourself.
“I am hurt because I felt helpless”, instead of “I am hurt because he did not understand”.
“I don’t deserve the humiliation that I went through”, instead of “Why did they do that to me even after knowing my state?”.
“Feeling overwhelmed with my emotions and pain.”, instead of “Why are they not understanding me? Is it because I overreacted? Was I seeking attention?”.
Reminder: If you or your loved ones are struggling with mental health conditions, please don't hesitate to reach out to us at Soul Mechanics KD or Soul Mechanics Ipoh. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but strength!
Reflecting More
When you’re healing, you tend to reflect on your thoughts and experiences instead of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions. You will start to view things, not only from your perspectives alone but from others as well. You will have more flexible and open thoughts rather than closed, concrete thoughts.
“I get anxious around authoritative people, is it because of my parents being strict?” , instead of “I am an anxious person.”.
“I cope with alcohol now, but why not try to express through arts like how I did when I was younger?”, instead of “I can only cope with alcohol.”.
“Each time when I use ‘trust’ word, he gets angry. Maybe it triggers him and I should be more careful with my choice of words.”, instead of “he is sensitive.”.
Acceptance & Forgiveness
We can’t force acceptance or forgiveness. When you’re healing, you will gradually start to forgive or accept yourself and those who have inflicted pain within you, for your peace of mind. You will start to prioritize your healing by releasing unwanted pain, baggage, guilt, shame, and revenge that no longer serves you, and hinders your healing.
“I forgive myself for the past mistakes and I am no longer the same person.”, instead of “I deserve this. I deserve more punishments for my past wrongdoings.”.
“Couldn’t forgive them. But I accept the pain as a part of my journey to release myself from past baggage.”, instead of “I will never accept what they did to me, I will never move on from it and will carry it till the grave.”.
“I embrace myself for who I am, both my shadow and light are a part of me. It defines me.”, instead of “I can’t never live in peace knowing I have a lot of flaws.”.
Unstring Self & Acknowledging Illusions
We all carry values, traits, and shadows that the external world has instilled within us. Over time, we start believing and accepting that they are a part of us. When you’re healing, you will start to dissociate yourself from the instilled traits and gradually uncover your hidden real values that have been buried due to the pressure and need for validation from the external world.
I have been pushing myself to achieve all this while because I was pressured to score since childhood. My real value is enjoying the process, not only achieving.
I have been comparing myself with others because I have constantly been compared with my siblings. The real me believes that everyone is unique.
I put on a strong facade and refuse help because I fear vulnerability.
Not Easily Influenced By Others
You’re healing when other people’s perspectives and opinions don’t influence you as they used to. You will start to filter people’s remarks on you instead of taking them to heart and engaging in negative self-talk. You will start questioning whether others’ influence aligns with your values.
“Just because they called me lazy, doesn’t mean I am lazy. I am tired, they are not aware of what I am going through.”.
“Just because they are overspending on games and it's trendy now, I don’t have to. I can save it for the book I wanted to buy.”.
“They’re asking me to lie to my parents about the trip. Although it’s tempting, it’s against my values. I am going to be more honest.”.
In short, healing is never an easy process. You break, be vulnerable, collect broken pieces, break them into pieces again, fix back those pieces, you fail, you start again, you understand and you progress. The most significant step of healing requires us to break loose our walls and be vulnerable at least to ourselves. Facing our worst nightmare or having a cup of coffee with our anxiety will eventually help us to break free forever from the demons we're always been hiding from. Face your pain to heal no matter how time-consuming it is. Healing is also shedding old skin and transforming it into new one. It means you go through painful shedding before getting a new version of yourself. But in the end, it'll be worth the painful process. You'll be a whole new person with a whole new understanding towards life and the people around you.
“Healing sculpts you into a stronger version of yourself.”
Shaundtrya Ganasan, Licensed Counselor (KB11097)
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If you enjoyed reading this, why not broaden the horizon of knowledge by learning about "The Mind’s Tug-of-War: Cognitive Dissonance"? You can read the blog here.
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