Grief and Relief: Is It Okay to Laugh While Grieving?

Grief and Relief: Is It Okay to Laugh While Grieving?

Written By: Jasmine Yap Hiew Mun, Licensed Counselor (KB12644)

Grief and relief can exist together, even though many people believe grief should only feel heavy and painful. In Malaysia, where emotional expression is often quiet or restrained, laughing or feeling calm while grieving can bring deep confusion and guilt. Many people wonder whether something is wrong with them when they notice moments of lightness during loss.

You may hear questions like:

“Is it okay to laugh when someone just passed away?”
“How can you feel relieved, isn’t that disrespectful?”

Yet grief does not move in one straight line. For many, it includes moments of relief, peace, or even laughter and these responses are more natural than we are often taught to believe.

Why Grief and Relief Can Exist Together

Grief is not a single emotion. It is a process that moves through shock, sadness, love, exhaustion, longing, and sometimes relief.

Relief often appears when:

• A loved one’s suffering has ended
• A long period of caregiving comes to a close
• A painful or emotionally draining relationship ends
• The body finally leaves survival mode

Feeling relief does not mean you cared less. It often means you carried something very heavy for a long time.

Laughter During Grief: A Nervous System Response

Laughter during grief is not denial or disrespect. Clinically, it often serves as a regulation response.

Laughter may:

• Give the nervous system a brief pause from emotional intensity
• Help the mind digest pain in smaller, safer pieces
• Protect the body from emotional overload
• Allow moments of connection with others when sadness feels isolating

In many Malaysian families, grief is expected to look quiet, serious, and composed. When laughter appears, people may feel judged or ashamed. However, laughter does not cancel grief; it coexists with it.

Feeling Relief After Loss Does Not Make You Heartless

Relief during grief often comes with guilt, especially when society expects endless sadness.

Relief may show up when:

• Caregivers finally rest after months or years of responsibility
• Emotional tension ends after a difficult relationship
• A period of fear, uncertainty, or emotional strain concludes

This relief does not mean you wished harm or loss. It means your body recognises safety again.

Many people say, quietly:

“I finally feel calm, and I don’t know why.”

That calm is not cruelty. It is release.

Cultural Silence Around Grief and Relief in Malaysia

In Malaysia, grief is often treated as something private and contained. People may hear:

• “Be strong”
• “Don’t talk about it”
• “Time will heal everything”

Because of this, emotions like relief, laughter, or peace are rarely discussed, especially when the loss falls into forms of disenfranchised grief that society does not openly acknowledge. When grief does not look “serious enough,” people may feel misunderstood or alone.

Mental health education by the Ministry of Health Malaysia also recognizes that unprocessed emotional stress can affect wellbeing long after a loss.

Signs You May Be Carrying Grief Quietly

Grief does not always show up as tears. Sometimes it appears as:

• Feeling calm but emotionally distant
• Laughing and then feeling guilty afterward
• Feeling relief followed by self-criticism
• Struggling to explain your emotions to others
• Carrying grief silently to avoid judgement

These responses are not wrong. They are signals that grief needs space, not suppression and may also connect with emotional overwhelm and nervous system stress carried over time.

When Therapy Can Help With Grief and Relief

If grief feels confusing, contradictory, or heavy to carry alone, therapy can help make sense of these emotions without judgement.

Therapy offers:

• A safe space to explore grief and relief together
• Support for guilt around “feeling okay”
• Nervous system regulation
• Emotional processing at your own pace

At Soul Mechanics Therapy, we support individuals in Kuala Lumpur, Petaling Jaya, and Ipoh who are navigating grief that does not look the way others expect. You may explore therapy support in Kota Damansara or Ipoh whenever you feel ready.

You do not need to justify how you grieve.

A Gentle Reminder

Grief does not have one correct shape.
You are allowed to laugh.
You are allowed to feel relief.
You are allowed moments of peace even while grieving.

These emotions do not mean you loved less.
They mean you are human.