School Bullying Trauma: “That’s Why I Hated School”

School Bullying Trauma: “That’s Why I Hated School”

Written By: Jasmine Yap Hiew Mun, Licensed Counsellor (KB12644)

Did you ever hate school as a student?
Perhaps you skipped classes or pretended to be unwell just to avoid something that might happen there.

Today, conversations about school bullying trauma are more visible than ever. Stories frequently surface on social media and in the news. However, beyond headlines, many people carry quiet memories of school that still feel heavy years later.

School bullying is not just a childhood issue. Instead, for many individuals, repeated bullying becomes trauma that shapes emotional safety, self-worth, and how the body responds to stress well into adulthood.

What Is School Bullying?

School bullying refers to repeated harmful behaviours that occur within the school environment. Importantly, it is not limited to peers of the same age or year level. Bullying can be carried out by anyone within the school system and directed toward anyone else.

At times, it shows up subtly rather than overtly.

For example, a student may frequently skip school due to stomach aches or headaches.
Others might avoid classmates and keep to themselves.
In some cases, a child becomes unusually quiet, withdrawn, or fearful.

Unfortunately, these behaviours are often dismissed as:

• “Just excuses to skip school”
• “You’re being antisocial”
• “Why don’t you make more friends?”

Yet, these responses overlook a critical possibility:
the student may feel unsafe and be trying to protect themselves.

Bullying Is Not Only Physical

Bullying is often misunderstood as only physical aggression. In reality, many of the most damaging forms of bullying leave no visible marks.

School bullying can include:

• Verbal humiliation or name-calling
• Being mocked or singled out in class
• Being labelled, excluded, or treated as an outcast

Although these behaviours are sometimes brushed off as “jokes” or “normal teasing,” repeated exposure can deeply wound emotional safety and self-esteem.

When bullying happens consistently whether over weeks, months, or years, it can develop into school bullying trauma, especially when emotional support is absent.

Why Does School Bullying Happen?

One major factor behind school bullying is power imbalance.

In school environments, clear hierarchies often exist, such as:

• Older students over younger students
• Popular students over isolated peers
• Groups over individuals

As a result, some students bully to gain:

• Social status
• Control or dominance
• Protection from becoming a target themselves

Ultimately, bullying is less about the victim’s weakness and more about misused power in an environment that does not adequately protect emotional safety.

Common Forms of School Bullying

Physical Bullying

Hitting, pushing, or fighting. Injuries may be visible and sometimes require medical care.

Verbal Bullying

Name-calling, teasing, and insults. Over time, verbal bullying can significantly affect self-esteem and identity.

Relational (Social) Bullying

Exclusion, spreading rumors, or damaging reputation. During adolescence, a key stage of identity formation, this form of bullying can be especially harmful.

Emotional Bullying

Humiliation, manipulation, or gaslighting that undermines confidence and sense of reality.

Cyberbullying

Online harassment, mocking, or shaming that extends harm beyond school hours.

Sexual Bullying

Unwanted sexual comments, harassment, or assault. When minors are involved, the psychological impact can be severe and long-lasting.

How School Bullying Becomes Trauma

Bullying is often minimised with phrases like:

• “Kids are just being mean.”
• “It’s not that serious.”
• “Why take it so personally?”

However, for many students, school becomes a place of ongoing fear.

They cannot easily escape.
They may not know who to trust.
As a result, they may feel trapped, powerless, and alone.

When the nervous system is exposed to repeated stress without protection or emotional support, the body can remain in survival mode. Over time, repeated bullying transforms into school bullying trauma.

Trauma is not about weakness.
Rather, it is about enduring threat without safety.

The Long-Term Impact of School Bullying Trauma

Physical Impact

• Injuries from physical bullying
• Psychosomatic symptoms (chronic headaches, stomach pain)
• Self-harm as a coping response
• Bodily tension triggered by memories years later

Emotional Impact

• Chronic stress or anxiety
• Depression or helplessness
• Emotional suppression or numbness

Psychological Impact

• Internalised blame (“It was my fault”)
• Fear of judgment or rejection
• People-pleasing or social withdrawal
• Strong reactions to authority figures or group settings

Consequently, these patterns often persist into adulthood, affecting relationships, confidence, and emotional wellbeing.

Why Many Survivors Stay Silent

Silence is often a trauma response.

Some individuals freeze, shut down, or emotionally disconnect. Meanwhile, others learn to appease or minimise themselves to avoid harm. Since bullying often occurs during critical periods of identity development, it can shape long-lasting beliefs about worth and safety.

Even in adulthood, many people struggle to name what happened as trauma, especially when others dismissed it for years.

Healing begins not by pushing it away, but by acknowledging that the pain mattered.

Why School Bullying Is Often Minimized

Invalidating responses such as:

• “They’re just kids.”
• “It was a long time ago.”
• “You’re too sensitive.”
• “Don’t dwell on the past.”

These messages teach individuals to doubt their own experiences. Over time, dismissal itself becomes part of school bullying trauma, reinforcing silence and self-blame.

How Healing From Bullying Trauma Begins

Being bullied was not your fault.

Your emotional, physical, and behavioural responses were natural reactions to prolonged stress and lack of safety. Therefore, healing does not require forcing yourself to “move on.”

Instead, healing often begins with:

• Self-compassion
• Validation of your experience
• Patience with your nervous system

When pain has been held in for too long, the body may express it through tension, illness, or emotional shutdown. Healing takes time and that is okay.

Therapy Support in Kuala Lumpur, Petaling Jaya & Ipoh

If experiences of school bullying still affect your confidence, emotional safety, or relationships today, you are not alone and you do not have to heal in isolation.

At Soul Mechanics Therapy, we support individuals across Kuala Lumpur, Selangor, Petaling Jaya, and Ipoh who carry the long-term effects of school bullying trauma. Therapy offers a space to process these experiences safely, rebuild self-worth, and reconnect with emotional security.

Healing is not about rewriting the past.
Rather, it is about giving yourself the care that was missing then.

This article is for educational purposes and does not replace personalized mental health care.

A Gentle Reminder

It was never your fault.
You have been holding on for a long time.
Now, it is okay to put the burden down.

Choosing to heal is not weakness.
It is courage.

If you’re looking for a therapist in Kota Damansara or Ipoh area, you can click here for more information.

If you enjoyed reading this, why not broaden your knowledge by learning about "Disenfranchised Grief"? You can read the blog here.

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