Relationship 101: Mistakes That Kill a Relationship
Relationship 101: Mistakes That Kill a Relationship
Written By: Shaundtrya Ganasan, Licensed Counselor (KB11097)
Are you feeling your relationship is losing its spark?
Is there an increasing void between you and your partner?
Clueless about what went wrong?
Or feeling helpless as it is going directionless?
Relationship with your partner is a journey, which is filled with ups and downs, joyful and soulful moments, and sometimes, unexpected turbulence. No relationship is perfect, there would be certain mistakes, but when it's left unchecked, it can gradually erode the foundation of your relationship and the bond you share with your partner. Oftentimes, these mistakes are not dramatic or noticeable; they tend to creep quietly, in disguise of defence mechanisms or habits, leading to resentment, heartbreak and disconnection.
Like self-harming, which stems from suppressed and internalized struggles and manifests itself subtly yet in harmful ways, the mistakes that destroy a relationship also come from unacknowledged internal insecurities, struggles, or communication barriers. Understanding and diving deeper into these mistakes can be the stepping stone toward healing, growth and fostering a more fulfilling connection with your partner.
Reminder: If you or your loved ones are struggling with relationship-related issues, please don't hesitate to reach out to us at Soul Mechanics KD or Soul Mechanics Ipoh. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but strength!
Mistake 1: Neglecting Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is the glue that holds any relationship together. It's what allows you and your partner to feel valued, heard, and safe with each other. When the emotional intimacy fades or is neglected, a silent yet strong distance begins to form.
This also often happens among couples who get caught up with life’s busyness - work, personal commitments, and children. It creates walls between the emotional bond that you both share, whereby you both would begin to share less, talk less, and spend less time. Over time you both become strangers who are living under the same roof, breathing the same air.
Impact
Without emotional intimacy, you and your partner may begin to feel disconnected, unseen, and lonely. Over time, this may lead towards emotional withdrawal, whereby you or both of you may stop putting the effort to reconnect; assuming the other no longer cares or would take initiative.
Solution
Rebuilding emotional intimacy requires constant and conscious efforts. Set aside regular time to talk and share your day, feelings, or other things, no matter how insignificant it can be. This would navigate you both to reignite the connection and passion. In the end, it's not about grand gestures but genuine yet consistent interest in understanding and bringing each other’s inner worlds together.
Mistake 2: Taking Each Other for Granted
One of the most insidious mistakes in any relationship is taking each other for granted. As the initial sparks of the relationship wear off, it is easy to fall back into your routines and you may begin to stop appreciating your partner’s efforts, presence or qualities that you used to admire. Over time, emotional support, small acts of love or romantic gestures may become more expected rather than cherished.
Impact
When you or your partner begin to feel unappreciated, it can create a sense of resentment. You may also stop putting in the same effort that you once did, or worse, you may begin to have feelings of being unloved. The relationship would start to feel more one-sided, where one of you is giving constantly but receiving less or the bare minimum.
Solution
Reintroduce gratitude into your relationship again. Furthermore, start expressing and acknowledging your partner and their efforts. This can make a huge difference in the inner world that you both share. Remind yourself daily, why you fell for this person and how to make sure they feel valued by your small little gestures.
Reminder: If you or your loved ones are struggling with relationship-related issues, please don't hesitate to reach out to us at Soul Mechanics KD or Soul Mechanics Ipoh. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but strength!
Mistake 3: Avoiding Difficult Conversations
Conflict is unavoidable in any relationship, but dodging away difficult conversations is the root of the shadows of resentment. Many of us tend to sweep uncomfortable issues under the rug, fearing confrontations or the potential consequences of the conflict. However, these unresolved conflicts or conversations will not disappear but grow behind the consciousness.
Impact
When you and your partner avoid discussing conflicts, be it about intimacy, finances, or differing opinions - the issues will still be there. They will linger beneath the surface, creating a sense of tension and passive-aggressive behaviours. Over time, these accumulated unresolved issues can make you feel overwhelmed, which also makes the relationship feel heavy and draining.
Solution
Practising effective communication is crucial and the heart of building healthy relationships. It is important for you and your partner to create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable expressing your concerns. Rather than blaming or attacking each other, it is essential to approach tough conversations with curiosity and the willingness to understand the other’s perspectives.
Mistake 4: Prioritizing Ego Over the Relationship
In every relationship, there would be moments of conflict and disagreements. But when one or both of you prioritize your ego, whereby winning the argument, being right and proving your point is more important than the well-being of your relationship, it can cause long-lasting damage.
Impact
Ego-driven behaviours often show themselves as refusal to apologize, stubbornness, or unwillingness to compromise. Over time, these behaviours can also produce a toxic relationship dynamic whereby power struggles tend to become more crucial than having mutual understanding and respect. You and your partner may feel a sense of feeling unheard, leading to emotional distance.
Solution
It is important to practice focusing the “me” to “we” in your relationship as you both are a team, not individual players. In any conflict, the end goal should be to find a resolution that further strengthens your relationship, not one that satisfies one party’s ego and pride. Apologizing when necessary, being willing to find common ground, compromising and showing humility are the signs of emotional maturity which can prevent your ego from taking control of your relationship.
Mistake 5: Lack of Effort and Complacency
The early stages of a relationship are often filled with passion and effort. You and your partner would even go out of your way to express love, plan dates, and make time for each other. However, as time passes, complacency tends to set in. The effort to nurture the relationship dwindles, and the connection that used to feel lively begins to fade gradually.
Impact
Relationships, just like plants, need regular attention and care to thrive. When you or both of you stop putting needed effort to keep the relationship vibrant - be it through quality time, physical touch or words of affirmation - the emotional connection will begin to wither.
Solution
It is essential to keep your relationship evolving and alive. Plan regular date nights, surprise each other with gifts and handwritten cards, and actively work on keeping the relationship’s foundation strong. The consistency in expressing love, even through the smallest ways will keep the relationship from becoming stagnant.
Reminder: If you or your loved ones are struggling with relationship-related issues, please don't hesitate to reach out to us at Soul Mechanics KD or Soul Mechanics Ipoh. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but strength!
Mistake 6: Unresolved Personal Issues
Sometimes, the mistakes that destroy your relationship can be less about the relationship itself and more about the unresolved past personal issues that one of you or you both bring into the relationship. It could be attachment issues, childhood traumas, or insecurities. These unresolved issues can play a huge part in how you and your partner behave and express yourself within the relationship.
Impact
Unresolved personal issues can also manifest themselves through self-sabotaging behaviours - like jealousy, excessive need for control, or fear of abandonment. These behaviours can make you push your partner away, create a sense of distrust or create a loop of toxic patterns that appear to be almost impossible to break free from.
Solution
It is crucial to address these unresolved past issues to create a healthy relationship with your partner. This involves attending therapy sessions, self-reflection through creative expressions like journaling and arts, or having open communication with your partner regarding your internal battles. Healing from past wounds allows you and your partner to engage in the relationship with a feeling of wholeness rather than having a deep sense of fear or insecurity.
Mistake 7: Not Respecting Boundaries
In every relationship, boundaries need to be respected. However, when you or your partner constantly disrespect the other’s boundaries - be it emotional, mental or physical - it can cause noticeable damage to your relationship.
Impact
Boundaries will help you to maintain a sense of individuality and respect within your relationship. When these boundaries are violated, it can lead to feelings of unsafe, betrayal and loss of trust. Over time, it can erode the relationship foundation you share with your partner; creating an unhealthy pattern where one partner or both feels unheard and disrespected.
Solution
Having honest and transparent discussions with your partner to explore both your limits and boundaries is important. This includes respecting each other’s autonomy, need for space and emotional privacy. Healthy boundaries also can create a sense of trust and safety within the relationship, allowing both partners to feel seen and valued.
Conclusion
In short, no relationship can be immune to conflicts or mistakes. The key to maintaining a lasting love is to acknowledge and address the pitfalls before they cause irreversible collapse. Neglecting emotional intimacy, taking your partner for granted, dismissing uncomfortable conversations and letting pride take the lead are some of the subtle yet harmful signs that your relationship is on the verge of faltering.
By staying mindful of these mistakes and constantly working to nurture your relationship, you can prevent these traps and grow stronger and connected with your partner. If you are struggling with these issues or other unresolved past issues, consider seeking a couple therapist or therapist assistance. A professional therapist would assist you and your partner in uncovering the underlying and managing them more healthily.
If you’re looking for a therapist in Kota Damansara or Ipoh area, you can click here for more information.
If you enjoyed reading this, why not broaden the horizon of knowledge by learning about "How Couple Therapy Can Create More Fulfilling Relationships?"? You can read the blog here.
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