How Couple Therapy Can Create More Fulfilling Relationships?
How Couple Therapy Can Create More Fulfilling Relationships?
Written By: Shaundtrya Ganasan, Licensed Counselor (KB11097)
Does Couple Therapy really work?
Dive through this article to understand better.
The world is constantly evolving and changing for the betterment of living beings. Be it advanced technology, cashless payments, more educated netizens, busy and tight-scheduled lifestyles; various food choices, etc. Nevertheless, one thing that has always been a constant need for humans apart from basic survival needs; fulfilling relationships. It can be in any form, love for your family members, friends, spouse, colleagues, or even love for yourself. For centuries, the need to love and be in love has been a vital internal human need. Love; can make one go to any extent for their loved ones.
Although there are many forms of love, the love between a life partner can be deeper and more meaningful. A life partner is someone who is able to witness the real you with the rawness of your emotions and vulnerability, which we don’t usually reveal to the world, even our parents. There will always be a thin thread that usually creates boundaries between other relationships in our lives, no matter how close and connected we feel toward the relationship. However, a life partner is connected to us in all forms; soulfully, emotionally, intimately, physically, and mentally. They are the ones who witness the darker, undesirable side of us. Yet chooses to provide us with immense love and care.
Reminder: If you or your loved one are struggling with relationship issues, please don't hesitate to reach out to us at Soul Mechanics KD or Soul Mechanics Ipoh.
SOUL MECHANICS THERAPY CENTRE
Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but strength!
Unmasked Version with Partner
We often show different versions of our personality to people around us. But a life partner is someone who is able to witness all the different versions of us altogether. The barriers that we usually have with others are often broken when it comes to our life partner. They witness the us who are happy, sad, hurt, embarrassed, guilty, silly, fun, romantic, intimate, cocky, angry, broken, progressing, healing, etc.
A life partner is someone we spend the rest of our lives with.
Someone who sees us growing, breaking down, picking up our broken pieces and trying again.
Someone with whom we create beautiful memories and bond.
However, are all relationships and marriages successful? Does everyone experience fulfilling relationships with their partner? Or do we try to find an escape from our partner when things start to go downhill? Are we only enjoying the honeymoon phase of our relationships and starting to complain when the spark reduces?
Flaws of our partner that used to be acceptable can suddenly become something we cannot tolerate anymore.
Are we always expecting to have a bed-of-roses relationship and get disappointed when the thorns appear and prick us occasionally?
Down the Relationship Timeline
A partner who used to be beautiful in our eyes can turn into someone we could not stand the presence of over time. Minor inconveniences, instead of solving through healthy communication, gradually become major issues as we are more comfortable blaming each other. We always are afraid of communication. The truth might hurt our ego. Facing our deepest emotions might be uncomfortable. We are also not used to solving issues through communication, making us opt for the easiest option available; break or detach instead of solving or repairing.
Stages of Relationship
Let us explore the stages of marriage or relationship that we might need to be aware of. There are seven stages of marriage/relationship.
1.0 Honeymoon Phase
A stage that often begins during the initial stage of a relationship or marriage. Couples usually feel happy and excited with their love; everything feels fantastic and joyful. There would be a strong connection during this stage whereby flaws and disagreements are often overlooked during the phase.
2.0 Realization Phase
Once the ‘Honeymoon Phase’ gradually fades, the couple returns to reality to focus on other responsibilities. It could be work, family and in-laws, child-rearing, or health issues. Couples often face challenges in their marriage and begin to realize that their marriage might not be as perfect as it seems to be and requires efforts from both sides.
3.0 Rebellion Phase
During the earlier phase of marriage, couples learn to deal with each other's flaws. In this stage, couples notice that their differences start to emerge, which may cause their arguments and conflicts. It is a fragile phase, usually in the five to seven years of a relationship, whereby the couple may have the desire to cheat or change their partner. This crucial stage needs a lot of effort and communication from both partners and should not be taken lightly.
4.0 Reassessment Phase
In this stage, the couples are often in the decade(s) of their relationship and are more accustomed to their partner's strengths and flaws. This is a phase whereby the couple starts to reflect, reevaluate their relationship, and work on establishing themselves. Couples usually work towards commitment, exploring their shared and contradicting values and creating a more enhanced family life in this phase.
5.0 Growing Together Phase
During this stage, the couple may find more peaceful moments with each other as they enter their second or third decade of togetherness. This is the phase where most of their children would have grown up; their careers might be well established, which allows them to focus on each other again, just like the ‘Honeymoon Phase.’ The only difference is, during this stage, they explore and discover their known, long-travelled partner instead of newly getting to know each other.
6.0 Explosion Phase
This phase is usually during the couples' midlife or old age when their relationship faces concerns, such as health issues, financial insufficiency, and life changes (e.g., children leaving home). The couple becomes each other's comfort and go-to place during this stage. This phase is also known as "empty nest syndrome," as couples focus solely on each other instead of other responsibilities. This phase tests the couple's resilience and commitment to go through the new challenges as this phase compromises good (e.g., enjoying alone time together, re-exploring each other) and bad (e.g., pointing fingers, accusations, conflicts).
7.0 Fulfillment Phase
This stage of relationship/marriage is where the couples have successfully gone through their relationship challenges. Despite the roller coaster ride of happiness and sadness, the couples have managed to be committed to each other. Their understanding would also go far deeper. During this phase, couples often feel more content and comfortable with each other’s company.
Often, many couples do not go through all the stages of marriage/relationship. Problems (e.g., family, child, in-laws, career, finance, etc.), pain, ego clashes, disappointment, and low sense of fulfilment or satisfaction come along the lines which push many couples toward separation or divorce. Not all relationship issues are toxic and abusive and deserve separation; some are based on a lack of awareness and low understanding of each other, which could be solved by taking necessary steps instead of separating.
Reminder: If you or your loved one are struggling with relationship issues, please don't hesitate to reach out to us at Soul Mechanics KD or Soul Mechanics Ipoh.
SOUL MECHANICS THERAPY CENTRE
Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but strength!
Ways to Improve Relationship
Below are some ways to enhance and deepen your relationship, leading towards fulfilment and satisfaction:
1.0 Respect and Honor
Respect and honor are crucial in any relationship, especially among couples. We must respect our partners for who they are instead of who we want them to be. Sometimes we forget that every partner is unique and special in their way; we judge and compare them when they do not meet our expectations or are like other people’s spouses or our parents. Many are used to imagining their partner should have the qualities of either their parents, close ones, or their role models. When expectations are unmet, gradually respect and honor that we provide decrease. Thus, it is vital to respect and honor our partners. Without respect, the spark and love of the relationship may fade over time.
Respect and honor your partner to make them feel they are appreciated and loved. Respect their choices and differences and validate their feelings and emotions. Remember, everyone has different views of the world around them. They deserve to be respected for their opinions and differences.
2.0 Communication and Connection
Arguments, conflicts, and misunderstandings are something that almost all couples go through in their relationship. However, many ignore the conflicts once they have cooled down instead of communicating the issues. It is also quite common to come across, hear, or even experience the unhealthy coping styles of couples during conflicts. They tend to verbally or physically abuse their partner, name callings, pick on their flaws, weaknesses, or sensitive points, blame their family members, shout and break things around, give silent treatments, etc. Many opt for these common coping styles instead of healthily communicating their issues.
Communication gradually builds a strong and deep connection of one with their partner. It is essential to take some time off when the argument heats to calm our minds before communication. This prevents us from saying things that we do not mean and regret in the future. Practising communication, not only when arguments arise but during day-to-day life, would make the couple closer and create a sense of connection. It takes time to build a deep connection, but it would be worth it. With a deep and strong connection with a partner, one is able to understand them when words fail to leave their mouth because by then, they would have built a strong foundation of understanding and communicating even in silence with their partner.
3.0 Unity and Friendship
Through respecting each other and building strong and healthy communication among couples, they are able to find a friend in their partner. Friendship is one of the most essential parts of any relationship that many are unaware of. Building a friendship with a partner helps one to be more comfortable and loosen up with them. Intimacy is part of a relationship, but many assume intimacy to only be physical and sexual, but intimacy is expansive. It could also be emotional intimacy, where you could intimately connect with your partner on a deeper emotional level which could be easily achieved through the friendship that couples build from the beginning of their relationship.
Viewing your loved one as only a life partner might limit their role, as a life partner is assumed to be responsible, serious, taking care of each other and their family needs, etc. However, when friendship comes into the picture, one can have more fun and enjoy small little things they do together without judgment. When mistakes or arguments occur, you can talk to your partner and sort the issues more effortlessly due to the comfort and understanding friendship gives in a relationship. Through friendship, couples can unite on all the ups and downs of their lives. It is essential to have fun dates along with romantic ones, have a board games night, try unique things together, be each other’s diary of embarrassing and awkward moments, and so on with your partner. Friendship builds unity that lasts long despite heavy storms among couples.
4.0 Mature Love
Respect, understanding, connection, and friendship make you understand and build mature love. Mature love is where you start to understand your partner in and out. They know which role to play during different situations. For instance, certain situations require the partner to be a comforting friend. Whereas, during certain conditions, the partner needs to be a caring husband or guide them as parents would.
Mature love is also understood to differentiate between personal life (e.g. partner, family, etc) and work life. Many always carry their work personality home and appear serious and stoic, like how we are at work. Mature love is understanding the difference between personal life and work life and being able to accommodate themselves accordingly gradually. Mature love, in short, is the bond that couples create along the lines of their love with patience and effort.
Therapy in Relationship Issues
It is recommended for couples to seek couple therapy or marriage therapy when they feel helpless and clueless about relationship challenges. Through therapy, you are able to understand yourself and your partner better. With a therapist's assistance, you can explore the issues that arise in your relationship and the possible causes that lead to the issues in couple therapy.
Intergenerational Trauma And Childhood Baggage
Generational trauma is a never-ending loop until you decide to break free from it, which requires much effort. For instance, one of the partners might be going through generational trauma passed down from their family, which could affect their marriage. Through therapy, you can identify and acknowledge the generational trauma or past traumas that hinder having a happy relationship. Understanding your past and how it affects your present helps to explore the possible solutions to work on it. It would make the couples closer as they witness each other's insecurities, childhood traumas, painful memories, and most vulnerable states during the therapy.
Couple Therapy
Marriage or couple therapy can break barriers between couples, making them more understanding and one step closer to each other than before. Couple Therapy also helps you understand your partner's triggers and be more careful with your choice of words and actions while your partner is healing. In short, through therapy, you can heal with your partner.
A healthy relationship with our life partner positively impacts our personal well-being and mental health, as they are the ones we spend most of our lives with. Couples must work on their relationship when issues arise rather than breaking the beautiful bond that they have created together due to minor inconveniences, which excludes any form of abuse, violence, assaults, etc.
Reminder: If you or your loved one are struggling with relationship issues, please don't hesitate to reach out to us at Soul Mechanics KD or Soul Mechanics Ipoh.
SOUL MECHANICS THERAPY CENTRE
Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but strength!
Conclusion
It is advisable to seek couple therapy when the issues cannot be solved and need further professional assistance. Couple therapy can be a kick-start for you to work on your relationship with your partner. A couple therapist can guide you to explore the issue, the triggers and the impact on the relationship. Instead of breaking up or choosing to separate, it is advisable and recommended to seek couple therapy as a final step towards recovering your marriage or relationship, as couple therapy can work wonders and do miracles on your relationship may or has turned sour.
In short, fulfilling relationships are not a myth. It is something that can be created by two souls who unite through love. Fulfilment in relationships is not only about happiness and joy. It is the ability to accept your partner’s weaknesses and flaws and work together towards a healthy relationship. Love is only about joy is a myth. Love makes you feel a ball of different emotions and also makes you feel alive. It makes you move forward in life as you know your partner is always there to hold your back.
“Relationship; one word that has the ability to either destroy you or build you. The choice is yours”.
Shaundtrya Ganasan, Licensed Counselor (KB11097)
If you’re looking for a Couple Therapist in Kota Damansara or Ipoh area, you can click HERE for more information.
If you enjoyed reading this, why not broaden the horizon of knowledge by learning about "GREEN Flags in the Relationship"? You can read the blog here.
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