Grief in Silence: Why Many People Hide Their Pain

Grief in Silence: Why Many People Hide Their Pain

Written By: Jasmine Yap Hiew Mun, Licensed Counsellor (KB12644),

Grief in silence is more common than many people realise, especially in cultures where emotional expression feels discouraged or uncomfortable. From a young age, many learn that showing sadness invites judgement, discomfort, or dismissal rather than care.

“Don’t talk about loss, it brings bad luck.”
“You can always replace it, don’t be sad.”
“Be strong, don’t cry in front of others.”
“Just move on, no need to dwell on it.”

When people try to speak about loss, others often rush their pain away. Instead of being allowed to grieve, they feel pressured to stay composed, productive, and emotionally contained. Over time, silence can feel safer than expression not because the pain disappears, but because it has nowhere to go.

Although conversations around mental health have become more open in recent years, grief often remains hidden, especially when loss feels socially inconvenient or culturally sensitive. Many people carry this quiet pain for years without realising how deeply it affects them.

What It Means to Carry Grief in Silence?

Grieving quietly often means living with loss without feeling safe, supported, or permitted to express it openly. Life continues on the outside, while grief stays contained within.

For many, this pattern develops early:

• Emotions were discouraged at home
• Sadness was labelled as weakness
• Vulnerability met discomfort or dismissal

Rather than forgetting the loss, people suppress it. Over time, unresolved grief often resurfaces as exhaustion, anxiety, emotional numbness, or physical tension.

Cultural Influences on How Grief Is Expressed in Malaysia

In many Malaysian and Asian households, conversations about loss are avoided. People often associate them with bad luck, fear, or emotional disruption, particularly outside close family circles.

At the same time, cultural values tend to emphasise:

• Emotional strength
• Endurance
• Maintaining harmony
• Not burdening others

Because of this, open grieving may feel inappropriate or selfish. Many learn to “hold it together,” even while hurting deeply inside. Public mental health education by the Ministry of Health Malaysia also recognises that unresolved emotional stress can affect wellbeing long after a loss occurs.

When Silence Feels Protective and When It Becomes Heavy

Keeping grief private does not always cause harm immediately. For some, silence provides temporary stability. It allows them to function, work, and care for others while the loss still feels overwhelming.

However, when grief remains entirely unexpressed:

• Others remain unaware of the pain
• Support is never offered
• The body carries the burden alone

Over time, this isolation can deepen sadness and emotional fatigue. Organizations such as Befrienders Malaysia also highlight that emotional pain from loss can feel as heavy as other forms of distress, especially when faced alone.

Signs You May Be Holding Grief In Silence

Grief does not always appear as tears. Often, it shows up quietly in daily life.

You may notice:

• Feeling “fine” but emotionally empty
• Avoiding conversations about the loss
• Difficulty resting or relaxing
• Sudden emotional reactions that feel confusing
• Feeling unsupported despite being around others

These are not signs of weakness. They are signs that grief has not yet been given space to move.

Gentle Ways to Express Loss Without Pressure

Grief does not need to be loud to be valid. Expression can be gradual, personal, and safe.

Some people begin by:

• Journaling thoughts they never said out loud
• Creating art, music, or poetry
• Talking to one trusted person
• Allowing sadness without judgement

There is no correct timeline. Grief unfolds at its own pace.

When Therapy Supports Unspoken Grief

Sometimes, grief becomes too heavy to carry alone especially when it has been held quietly for a long time.

Therapy offers a calm and confidential space, and grief and emotional loss therapy can help you process what has been held in silence for too long.

At Soul Mechanics Therapy, we support individuals in Kuala Lumpur, Petaling Jaya, and Ipoh who are navigating unresolved loss, emotional suppression, and quiet grief. Therapy is not about forcing tears or reliving pain. It is about giving emotions the space they never had.

A Gentle Reminder

Silence can protect, but it can also hide pain that deserves care.
Grief can be quiet and still be meaningful.

You are allowed to feel loss in your own way.
You do not have to carry it alone.

If this article resonates with you, it may be a sign that you have been carrying grief quietly for longer than you realized.

At Soul Mechanics Therapy, we support individuals across Malaysia who are experiencing grief in silence, unresolved loss, or emotional suppression.

Therapy offers a calm and confidential space where grief does not need to be minimized, rushed, or explained away. It allows your emotions to exist safely, at your own pace.

If you are considering speaking to a therapist, you may explore our services whenever you feel ready.

You do not have to carry this alone.

You may also find it helpful to read our article on disenfranchised grief, where loss is often unacknowledged or unsupported.