How to learn how to say “no” in life
Why? Why” Why ? Why on earth did I accept? Why did I say “yes” to my friends who wanted to move over the weekend? Why did I say yes and give my cousin my car? Why did I say “yes” to my sister when she asked me to babysit her kids? Why did I say yes to my aunt and ate an additional other slice of her delicious cake?
I keep doing things reluctantly because I do not know when to use the shortest word in our language: “NO”. How can I learn to say “NO” to others…..It’s high time for me to change my answers….and manage to say: Sorry “no way”… instead of “ok I will manage to help you somehow”…
Why did I accept” Why did I say “yes”….If you are asking yourself too often this question: ”why did I not say no” ….Please be aware that you are not the only person on earth having this problem. Indeed, the majority of people find it difficult to refuse what is asked of them.
This is usually due to a lack of self-confidence. We tend to think that the relationship of friendship will break if we dare to say “no” and if we go against the wishes or the “tempting” offer of the other person.
A small detour through your childhood … and looking back more precisely through the so-called “opposition” phase, explains this psychological situation and weakness.
There is a serious chance that you are directly concerned by this “blockage” if … you have received many negative comments in response to your refusals during your childhood.
If at the same time, you were showered with praise and love when you acted for the good of others …. Well, when you grow up, the temptation of saying “yes” very often gives you several direct advantages: Avoiding discussions… and growing a rising popularity rating.
But the risk is to be “exploited”, to risk reduce seriously the amount of your available “free time”, and to possibly lose money or even stress. All this weighs a lot on daily wellness.
If you want or feel the situation must change, it is useful to work on your “self-esteem”. Of course, that doesn’t happen in a short second.
Here are some tips to learn how to say “no” while making the other person wait for your answer.
First solution: Stage to rehearse alone in front of the mirror.
It may sound strange, but it is essential to express a refusal in a clear and confident voice … while remaining cool, friendly, and cordial for learning the resistance reflex.
You can stage the situation with imagination. You can imagine awkward situations where you would have liked to say no … You can even also ask your best friend to help you rehearse the role play (Hopefully he/she won’t dare …. say no to your request….)
After that, you have to take action and immediately try out your new “superpower”.
Diplomacy: Don’t start directly with contradicting the boss in the office…..
Practice first around easy things like … turning down the offer of a coffee after a meal.
Make yourself aware of every little “no” and the positive impact of these little “no’s” on your life.
A second efficient tactic: Don’t respond immediately.
“Under pressure”, we tend to agree with the person asking. Rather reply that you are going to “think” about it.
You can then weigh the odds and the cons. But alone!
Your “yes” event will make more sense than if you feel forced to accept the other person’s arguments.